March 29, 2005
maybe later?....
I know everybody's probably dying to hear about spring break (you know you are - admit it) however, my work load has suddenly jumped up on me. Therfore, I am putting off writing because I just don't feel like it. I'm sure one day i'll want to record what happened - but i think i'm too exhausted now. Don't worry though, i can handle what i've got goin' on, but that's about it for now. Ok, so that being said, I'm going to head off to Jen's room where hopefully I can get some answers to this chem lab report....and try to not think about my 3 pg animal science paper due friday....and the late work for an sci 105....and apply for interviews....and the chem pre-lab questions....my hort. professor also decided to give us massive amounts of work....not to mention the two prelims I have next week and one the following week....and I have paid work to do to try and finance this expensive stress....oh, and I try and actually live other places than the library. In times like these, I'm glad I have friends.
Posted by agutwin at 10:37 PM | Comments (1)
March 26, 2005
camping
ok - so i'm back at Cornell safe and sound. We had a wonderful time down south and I can't wait to tell y'all more about it, but i think i'm heading off to bed for now.
Posted by agutwin at 10:44 PM | Comments (0)
March 18, 2005
backpacking
For all those who are wondering (mom and dad) This is where we're going for spring break:
Shenandoah National Park, VA; Mt. Rogers National Recreation Area, VA; Linville Gorge Wilderness Area (Pisgah National Forest), NC; Shining Rock Wilderness Area (Pisgah), NC; Pisgah National Forest, NC; Marion, NC; Possibly Boone, NC; Possibly DC.
As you can see, there's a bit of uncertanty in the plans, but we should be ok. I'm going to have my cell phone, but due to the lack of a plug in the wildreness, i might only be able to turn it on once in a while and make some calls (i'm not actually taking it with me backpacking, but when we're on the road, etc.) Don't worry, i will be ok. We're leaving tomorrow at 6 AM and hope to be back at cornell on sat, definitly by sunday (easter). OK - I'll take lots of pictures and let you guys know what's going on as much as possible! Cya!
Posted by agutwin at 09:48 PM | Comments (0)
DRAGON DAY!
Today was the 104th anual dragon day at Cornell. For those not familiar, this is when all the archetect students stay up all night for a week or so to build a gigantic dragon out of wire, cardbored, fabric, etc. Around St. Patty's day, right before spring break, they parade it down central campus and onto the arts quad, which had been TP'd the night before (see picture). The Engeneer students are supposed to build a phoenix and burn the dragon, but this year they haphazardly build a penquin with some 2x4's and duct tape. Once on the arts quad, after some yelling and running around by the first year archetects (the one's who built the dragon), the dragon is lit on fire. This year it was awesome, the flames were so big and so hot we had to back up. It was a beautiful day to have it too, the sun was shining, some puffy white clouds in the sky - these kind of days make me want to freeze time. Here's a picture of the 2002 year dragon to give you an idea of what goes on (I'll get some of this year's if I can):
HAPPY DRAGON DAY!
Posted by agutwin at 02:23 PM | Comments (1)
March 17, 2005
Warm Weather
It is so nice outside today. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the wind is gentle. Actually, it's so warm i'm sitting here in my room with my window open and a tank top on. This kind of weather really makes me want to be outside doing anything. but alas, nobody I know want's to join me outside, so I'm stuck in here....wasting time until I can go climbing tonight. Besides, for all I love being outdoors, I cannot think of things to do - any suggestions?? I could go for a bike ride, but I don't have a bike....I could go for a walk, but nobody can join me....and it's not quite warm enough to go for a paddle....plus that might be a little ambitious. Oh well....I guess i can take a shower, maybe take a nap, or be super cool and do some of the hw i had put off during the begining of the week. But I'll probably end up sitting on my butt watching another movie :/ at least I'm hanging out with my future roomate tonight which should be awesome. Oh, and climbing is good too - but again, I have nobody to join me....darn it, it looks like i need to get some more available friends. Ok - off to take a shower now, we'll see what happens after that - life is a big adventure and you never know what's coming next.
Posted by agutwin at 02:57 PM | Comments (3)
March 13, 2005
Wise old men
here's an exerpt from my anthropology reading (p.s. sorry for the language - I thought I'd rather give the original text):
"Suppose you and I are walking on the road," said Swamiji, the holyman whose storytelling I was researching in 1985. "You've gone to University. I haven't studied anything. We're walking. Some child has shit on the road. We both step in it. 'That's shit!' I say. I scrape my foot; it's gone. But educated people have doubts about everything. You say, 'What's this?!' and you rub your foot against the other." Swamiji shot up from his prone position in the deck chair, and placing his feet on the linoleum, stared at them with intensity. He rubbed the right sole against the left ankle. "Then you reach down to feel what it could be," his fingers now explored the angle. A grin was breaking over his face. "Something sticky! You life some up and sniff it. Then you say, 'Oh! This is shit." The hand that had vigorously rubbed his nose was flug out in a gesture of disgust.
Swamiji turned back towards me, cheeks lifted under their white stubble in a toothless and delighted grin. Everyone present in the room was laughing uncontrollably. I managed an uncomfortable smile.
"See how many places it touched in the meantime," Swamiji continued. "Educated people always doubt everything. They lie awake at night thinking, 'What was that? Why did it happen? What is the meaning and the cause of it?' Uneducated people pass judgment and walk on. They get a good night's sleep" .... When he settled back into his deck chair, he turned to me again. "It's not that you shouldn't study," he said, voice low and kind. "You should gain wisdom. But you should realize that in the end this means nothing."
-this story makes me laugh. I think that sometimes we get so caught up in grades and tests that we realize we are here to gain the most important thing - widsom.
Posted by agutwin at 11:58 PM | Comments (4)
Haha
Does this need a description?
Posted by agutwin at 11:43 AM | Comments (0)
March 12, 2005
B-Rock
So today was our last day of basic rock climbing class. It was generally a fun experience, and I learned a lot, mostly that I want to learn a lot more about teaching. The last class was extreamly fun, we had a lot of group-togetherness which is always excellent. Also, we had this 'competition' between two of the instructors (myself and Chris) and 7 of our students. We had three routs and the goal was to climb until you fell off, then the next person would go. If you could climb all the way up, you got lowered and did it again - until you fell off. It was great fun. Actually, I ended up doing 30 laps plus traversing to clip a rope into an achor at the top. It felt so nice to be able to pull as hard as I could, and keep going. I would get into a rythm of:
me - "Climbing!"
Tim (my belayer) - "Climb on!
High step - pull hard on the left - right - crimp - high step again - dyno - smear - point - mantle - pull hard right - flagg left - two big holds - smear
The ceiling would thud as I slapped it
Tim - "Lowering!"
me - "Lower!"
shake out the arms, stretch, shake out leggs, chalk up
by the time my feet hit the floor I was ready for more
me - "Climbing!"
Tim - "Climb on!"
There was no breaks inbetween climbs and I felt extreamly addicted. Everything fadded away, the class, the students, even the hight. It all didnt matter. My forearms were filled with lactic acid and hard as rocks, a term called being "pumped". I could feel the music pushing me on as people said "give me three more" and I responded with "I can give you five". By the last time, I still felt pretty good at the lower parts, but I was starting to feel a little light headed when I got to the top. I had definitly passed my percieved limit about 20 laps ago. I got a pat on the back in the end as well as a little massage by Tim. Still I felt a little dissapointed, I didn't do it untill I fell off - I'm sure I could have kept on going. Oh well, I need to find another belay slave and go for 40, I think I can do it. Actually, now I don't feel bad at all, nothing is sore, nothing hurts, good times. I might not climb in my wall shift tomorrow though....we'll see.
Oh, So I got my hat yesterday. It fits pretty well, pretty snug. It's a lot warmer than my red one, which is a good thing. I can't wait to break it in on spring break trip - yey backpacking! I cannot wait to get outside again, seriously, i think i'm going a little batty being inside for so long. Just not looking forward to the 12 hr cramped car ride - oh well...it'll be an adventure. But I think i've got to take a nap now, and find some hockey tickets for tonight :)
Posted by agutwin at 02:31 PM | Comments (6)
March 11, 2005
Yea...don't really have a title
ok - so to all those dying to know what happened with my anthropology paper: it is in safe and sound....see...i knew i'd make the deadline...
On another note - I just checked my e-mail and found that a hat that I had ordered online has finally arrived. Actually, that was pretty quick seeing as how i ordered it on tue and it came from the west coast, the mail these days is excellent. oh, here's a picture in case you're not geoff and don't know what i'm talking about:
I have mixed feelings about the hat. Some of you might know how obsessive i have become about my red one - I think this comes from the fact that I stole it from my mother, so it reminds me of her. Also, i took it on my outward bound trip, which was also very important to me. Plus, it fits my head...so we'll see if it can be replaced, it is starting to show it's wear just a little (sorry mom!).
Oh, and on a side note - I made a comment today to Kendall about something....i think it was the chem lab...and I said it was worthless and retarted. I've been trying really hard lately to not use words like that - I know they are hurtful to others, but sometimes I don't even think about what's coming out of my brain. Uggg
Posted by agutwin at 11:03 AM | Comments (2)
Shoot!
So I have this anthropology paper to write for today at 10:10. I really was going to finish it last night, but I was having a bit of a writers block and so decided to take a 30 min nap around 10. I woke up this morning at 6 thankfully. So it's now 7:15 and I'm finding the same trouble I ran into last night. I'm trying to write this paragraph on the different types of teaching that one can do - active vs. passive. I guess my main problem is that I'm not sure if i'm using legit terms, active and passive teaching?? I donno, it sounds cool, hopefully that's all that matters. Ok, it's now 7:19 and I really should get done squeezing a few inches out of this sucker - I can't even make it 3 pages! Oh well.....at least there's hockey tonight and I got a good night's sleep.....?
Posted by agutwin at 07:14 AM | Comments (4)
March 09, 2005
What I'm Missing
I was looking through my pictures and came accross this one and it made me smile. I think this is what I miss most here at Cornell - having that constant source of love. Well I guess it's still there, just farther away. So here's a shout out to all my family wherever you are - I love you!
Posted by agutwin at 06:36 PM | Comments (1)
March 08, 2005
Desk
As promised, here's a picture of my speakers on my desk! enjoy
Posted by agutwin at 10:20 PM | Comments (3)
"She'll Leave You With A Smile"
I was listening to this song today while walking to chem and these lyrics struck home on a couple notes (no pun intended, honestly). First off, i've had a couple friends who could directly relate to the story, which is unfortunate. I have this part of me that feels sad when my friends are sad, i guess it's much stronger than in most people. Even if what they want goes directly against what I want, I would much rather see them happy.... Which leads me to the second point of why i noticed this song - I think it is true that it all was worth it, in a sort of still-sad way. But that's the way life goes, and I can look past it, but I will never forget it.
She'll Leave You With A Smile - George Strait
At first she's gonna come on strong
Like She'll love you all night long
Like it's going out of style
Then she'll leave you with a smile
Well you can't help but wonder
Why you can't help but love her
But you can't help love her
And all that hurtin' was more than worth it
It's written all over your face
One day you'll pass her on the street
With that guy you used to be
She'll say hello and walk on by
Then she'll leave you with a smile
Well you can't help but wonder
Why you can't help but love her
But you can't help love her
And all that hurtin' was more than worth it
It's written all over your face
At first she's gonna come on strong
Like She'll love you all night long
Like it's going out of style
Then she'll leave you with a smile
Ah, she's gonna love you
She gonna leave you with a smile
Ah, she's gonna love you
She gonna leave you with a smile
Posted by agutwin at 06:21 PM | Comments (0)
March 05, 2005
"The World At Large"
Here's another one of my songs that's quickly making it to the top of my list:
Modest Mouse - The World At Large
Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.
Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?
The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.
I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?
The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.
I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.
I'm not exactly sure why i like this song. It might be his voice, or the lyrics, whatever it is, it's good. I especially like the part about the undertow, because that's what it really feels like some times. Anyway, if you've got a chance, i'd suggest giving this song a shot
Posted by agutwin at 09:06 PM | Comments (0)
March 04, 2005
Speakers
So to all who are wondering (i.e. my family not at cornell) These are the speakers I bought with the christmas money (thanks grandma and grandpa!!). However, I took the black cloth grills off the sattelites, so they're now silver with three circles down the middle. Oh, and i put the subwoofer under my desk behind the bar to put my feet on, so it's fun to rest my toes on the bass. I love them so much! It makes me want to stay at my desk forever! well not quite, there's still a bunch of fun stuff to do. I wish i had a camera to show you what they look like on my desk. Geoff?.... ;P I wish i could post how they sound, but i guess that's not possible....oh well.
Posted by agutwin at 08:14 PM | Comments (0)
March 03, 2005
Soloing
All right, I figure this blog is named after one of my favorite sports, so i might as well talk about it.
This is a picture of a guy soloing, i.e. climbing without ropes. One might think that rock climbing with ropes is dangerous, sticking onto the rock through very tiny impurities and trusting your life to some woven threads and metal loops might sound a little crazy. Soloing however, brings the sport to a whole new level. Of corse many people have died from this type of climbing, so I don't think i'll be trying it any time soon. Yet there is one type of soloing that's less dangerous called deep water soloing where you are climbing over a pool (a deep pool) of water. The theory being that if you fall, the landing is safer than the base of a rock cliff. We saw a very good video of deep water soloing at the Banff film festival where the climber described the landing as "soft", I guess i'm going to take his word for it. The route they were climbing was crazy insane, as in a 5.14a with a huge dyno at the end, oh, and did i mention they were SOLOING it?? I can only hope of being that good. One of these days....
Posted by agutwin at 05:23 PM | Comments (1)
March 02, 2005
Guster
I think that some of Guster's stuff is good, mostly the newer stuff. This is a song i just finished listening to, and it's pretty good, especially after a good day:
"I hope tomorrow is like today"
well, i think that's explains itself. Oh, and that's the title of the song too, in case you're not familiar. There's another one I like too by Guster:
"If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind"
which i guess goes with my other post today. I like the idea of being a waste of time, it really makes me want to actually do things with my life, which is a good thing to want. Ok, i'm putting off my work, which is also important.
Posted by agutwin at 11:09 PM | Comments (1)
Dying Dreams
I remember back in high school reading a poem about dying dreams that ask if they just wither up in the sun or burst like a balloon. Well I think that it's more of a combonation of the two. First there's a burst where you realize what's happening and feel all broken up. This thing that you've dreamed about for so long is suddenly not there. It's hard at first, to re-learn everything that you've been doing, to learn how to live without that hope. Then the slow degredation begins, where at first you convince yourself there's still hope and you try and fall into your old routein. However, you soon look back and see that there is in fact no hope left. I think it leaves you very empty and confused. Then you try and find what drew you to the dream so strongly in the first place and it comes down to nothing, a whisp of smoke that turned into a tornado, but only in your mind. I think though that the dream still lives on deep in your heart, desparately seeking protection from all the previous battering. Yet it's allowed to come out once in a while, when it's safe, and then quietly crawls back. So we live our life.
Posted by agutwin at 10:56 PM | Comments (1)
Yummies
I got a package from my grandparents today! It had very good things to eat in it, like Junior Mints and Anna's Ginger Thins. I really enjoy food, especially if it's from people i love. The ginger cookies reminded me of the good times of going to my grandparent's house after school, having a snack, then playing with my horse. Everything seemed so simple back then, now there's prelims, classes, and my future to worry about. I think i still have time though, i don't need to make such big decisions quite yet. But the food was good.
I also had to go shopping today :( i'm not a big fan of going to the mall, but I think it needs to be done once in a while. I only bought a few things, but it turned out to be a lot of money. I don't like the idea that people feel the need to spend a lot of money on clothes to make themselves look good. I think that one needs to be comfortable and warm mainly, but a lot of what's out there is unnecessary. That's my opinion though. Then the point comes up about having "extra" money to spend. If you've got it, then i'd say look around - most people don't. This dosn't mean that you should give away all your hard earned cash, but it's a nice quality to look around and see all the need. Well i think that's enough for now.
Posted by agutwin at 06:23 PM | Comments (0)
Apple makes me happy
I'm in Williard Straight Hall now on this beautiful computer - a G5 power mac thingie, with a screen that cost over $1,000. Ahh, it's so nice to have people who understand the value of a good thing! I wish i had this setup (not that i'm complaining about my iBook, it's doing ok) but i think it might be a little unnesissary...for me at least. I'm content to ooooh and ahhhh over it, and come here and marvel at the wonders of Apple.
Oh, about sledding last night - it was quite an adventure, and yes, i used a tray. However, there were a bunch of people there which dampened the fun just a little. But hot chocolate in the middle of the art's quad in the snow was a good wrap-up to the day.
Ah, I can't get over how pretty this looks, although i would make a few changes, like a better background and the dock that pops up - but it still looks good :)
Posted by agutwin at 11:18 AM | Comments (0)
March 01, 2005
"Underdog"
Since I've gotten my iPod, and have been at college with a virtually limitless music supply, plus really good speakers, i'm wondering how i got along without such good music! I've found that there's some really good, and really bad stuff out there. Mostly, i've come to hate listening to the same thing over and over (unless it's Jack Johnson...he's really good). I feel that music allows me to express myself better than my own words can sometimes - also sometimes i don't have the guts to say what i want, but a choice lyric or two will do the trick. So here it is, my lyric of the day:
"Underdog" by Audio Adrenaline -
I am so weak and I’m so tired
It’s hard for me to
Find enough strength to feed the fires
That fuel my ego
And consequently all my pride has all but died
Which leaves me
Down on my knees
Back to the place i
Should have started from
Chorus:
Been beat up
Been broken down
Nowhere but up
When you’re facedown
On the ground
I’m in last place
If I place at all
But there’s hope for this underdog
That’s the way, uh-huh, we like it!
That’s the way, uh-huh, we like it!
You can call me the underdog
I’m in this race to win a prize
The odds against me
The world has plans for my demise
What they don’t see
Is that a winner is not judged by his small size
But by the substitute he picks to run the race
And mine’s already won
-ok, so this might be the whole song. It's an oldie (i've had it since 11th grade or so) but it's a really nice one to keep coming back to. Mostly it reminds me that i really can't make it on my own, even if i think i can, i will always end up on my face. I feel very blessed to have such an awesome Father to fall against, and who will hold me when i'm tiard and sad. Oh, and this is where my screen name came from too. When i say i like christian music - this is what i mean. This stuff gets me so pumped and sets me back against the whole picture. Good stuff.
Posted by agutwin at 11:30 PM | Comments (0)
Test
Yey, I just finished my chem 208 prelim! I think it went ok, I think I got a solid 24 points out of 100 - if that's all i got, then they're well merited. I think that's enough for now - i'm going sledding on Libe Slope with Jen at 10, it should be an adventure. Ah, i'm just so happy to have that over and be able to settle down again and listen to my music :D
Posted by agutwin at 09:32 PM | Comments (1)