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January 17, 2005

A bright future?

A long time ago - probably at the point where I was deciding what grad school to attend - I had a simple, yet timely thought:

"The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!"

Kinda catchy... anyway, it was a time in my life where I was worry-free and enjoying every moment of it. I was mere months away from graduating Brandeis, I had my pick of the top graduate schools, and I was having the time of my life with my lovely girlfriend :)

Now, it's hard to keep that same mentality. I'm anxious about my car (why? because I just spent $500 on what is to me a personal luxury and which might not have even solved the problem...), I can't seem to stop thinking about all the unknowns about next semester, both with Becca gone and my upcoming rotations, and on top of this there's things which I know ought to get done but I can't seem to get myself to do them. Instead I spend hours at my computer scratching through news site after news site, just in a hope to be entertained and to drown my worries away.

I guess it's time for me to be a real adult, and take responsibility for my future. Right now, I'm feeling a desire to just hide under a rock until the scary things go past. But the truth is that the scary things never will go away, or if they do they are only replaced by other scary things. And I can't hope that some person will come along and save the day. I guess it'll just have to be me to get it done.

But right now, I'm not strong enough.

Posted by kgutwin at January 17, 2005 09:28 PM

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Comments

Here's some proactive things I'm doing:

* Cleaning up. My room's enough of a mess to make me irritated. Plus, I know that if I put my car stuff away, that will help keep it out of my mind and hopefully let me continue on.

* Put on some music. Just soothes the soul.

* Start chewing away at the rest of my todo list. I don't have much left but there are a few things which ought to get done.

* Talk to Becca. Self-explanatory.

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