Snow and Sky

What have I been doing? Well, honestly, it seems to mostly revolve around Jordan. Heh. Here's something which I have absolutely no control over, and yet I feel like it is imperative that I collect as much information as I can about the region, the culture, Becca's program, where she is and what she is doing... if we weren't in a relationship this would definitely be considered stalking :-D And maybe it still is! Isn't it a little unhealthy to spend so much time collecting so much information which mostly turns out to be useless? After all, my greatest ideas about what's going on there will ultimately come from her. I will treasure her stories much more than any other random tourist site out there.

I know that some of the things I found really did comfort me. I found a set of pictures of the hotel where she's staying. I found some other pictures which appeared to be of a few participants from the program that happened maybe a few semesters ago. Ummm, I found pictures of the world's tallest freestanding flagpole in Amman? Ok, that one's just weird. I tried figuring out where the hotel is located, but online maps are kinda iffy.

The last thing I found, though, was very striking. It happened while I was searching for info on her program (ciee in jordan). I found a page which had a mailing address identical to Rebecca's. It turned out to be on a website of a girl who was doing the full year program, who had started last semester and who was going to be staying through with the Spring participants. The website had pictures... lots of pictures of her travels and her program and her host family! And it had a blog, with articles going back as far as August about her experiences.

To me it was very strange indeed, because it felt like a mirage... you know, where desert travelers are searching for water and think they see it, but it's just an illusion? Here I am, thirsting for knowledge about something, anything of what she's going through... and here is someone who I can believe has already experienced all of it already! It's like looking into the future, but an illusory future, because it doesn't satisfy, it isn't the real thing, it isn't my Becca with her unique hopes and dreams and adventures. It's just some random girl whom I've never met and will never meet, and who may turn out to be everything or nothing like the girl whom I care so much about.

I'm signing off now. I probably won't be able to avoid checking this other girl's blog at least a few more times to see if she's had any experiences, anything which Becca might have been a part of. But I know my heart won't rest until I know that Becca's safe, sound and having a good time. I just have to keep it from interfering with the stuff that I have to do (like fix my computer!)